Getting the creative dam to overflow

After much thought and determination from myself I have decided to get my butt in gear...I'm going to become a creative.
I always was one really, I just repressed it into this feeble body that decided it should just go with the flow if things got difficult.
Ive started doodling again, jotting, which will mean investing in another sketchbook before too long.
Before that I must hold my horses and actually plan what I have to do next:

1. Get some work experience
2.re-design my creative CV... Which I last looked at when I was at uni :s
3. Keep it flowing
4.apply for work experience
5. Be prepared to start at the VERY bottom...again...
But it'll be worth it.

(Deep breath)

Let's do this!

The best thing to spend: Time

People...we humans have this social ideal where we believe that we have to spend money to spend quality time. Not entirely true.

Ofcourse in this modern social world things cost money, even just to go window shopping with my mum the other day I had to pay £3.50 for parking.
I get that, and this isn't one of those rants saying everyone should only do things that are free (not gonna happen) or that entertainment should be free ( the economy would stick its fingers in its ears and ignore us completely) but lately I have found I have been having the best time with little or no money at all.
In the past 4-5 months I've found myself feeling this deep seeded notion that I shouldn't be out there, that I should spend most of my time inside whatever the weather so that I would feel my other half would have company. I then realised through an epiphany that it wasn't that I wanted to stay in it was the fact that I felt by making myself un available would make it seem I didn't want to spend time with him...where this nonsense came from I have no idea.
Now we enjoy going out separately sometimes to what we individually enjoy, we find it exciting reporting back to the other what we have done.
The guilt I then realise spurred from quality time spent rather than frivolous money spend :)

Life is what me make it after all, sometimes that money you refuse to use to save for some car that's gonna take you years to save for...I'm sure spending £xx for you and your better half to see a show/go for dinner/visit those friends you never see cos of money will be time better spent. It will help you unwind and these little activities will make you feel your time has been well spent.

I hear bells: The ringing of reality.

Isn't it great finding the one person in the world that you love.

Maybe not even at that far into it yet? Maybe just someone who you can share anything with?

Or just sit in comfortable silence with?

Great isn't it?

But why do some people have to ruin it by getting married?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for two people joining together to show they love each other, but why do you need a huge ceremony that costs thousands to show people that you love each other?

Do you need a big poofy dress that makes you look like a meringue, shoes that cause you so much pain that you only wear them for walking down the aisle then your wearing your trainers? Does that show how much you love him?

The stress of worrying about what he wants for his stag do, whether half of the guest want a vegetarian meal as they don't want what the set meal is, the bloody colour of the brides maids dresses...and the COST!?

Some poor sods, who have normal jobs like you and me, take years to save for actual wedding, and seeing as the average wedding can cost anywhere between £15,000-£25,000.

Now, hold on...couldn't you put that down as a deposit for a house?

Or a new car, or a brilliant holiday?

If all you want to show everyone is that you both love each other and want to be together, do something for yourselves! Tell everyone by all means, but why do you need to have a different name to tell everybody so?

And if that's what you want, you can change your name on Deed Poll for a £10!

What would you get extra if you did marry? Does the government give you a house like they do when those 15 year olds decide they want a bigger council flat.

Nah.

If you're a couple and you already live with each other, you probably have acquired all those characteristics of a married couple anyway. You pay bills, you snuggle up to each other at night, you bicker about your partners mother coming to stay of what colour to paint the sitting room.

It's not such a big thing anymore. It's not like 50 years ago that you'd be called an old spinster if you weren't shacked up and married by the time you were 20, or if you had a child out of wedlock you parents would disown you, and its not law either!

Just think about it, if you haven't got that money to splash out with, and you feel the need to blow it all on one day....spend it on a holiday.

I had a chat with Chris about this the other day, and there's is nothing in the world that would stand in my way to be with him the rest of my life and the future of family and so forth.

But the idea of maybe having to wait 6 years to save the money and wait to have a event to confirm to everyone about this isn't needed.

So to my pretend hubby, I love you!

We wont have to go through anything like poor Alice and Hugo in "The Vicar of Dibley"!

Oblivious: Ignorance is bliss

Its just fact, no matter how much you love your job, there is nothing like a good holiday.

However, when funds cannot be extended to the "splashing out stage" its not as fun.

I have managed to escape from my orange cage for a couple of weeks, and i enjoyed doing...not much for the first week, being able to get up when I wanted, eat breakfast slowly and have no reason to do anything unless I wanted to. Pure bliss! However I have a tendency to buy things out of boredom.

Not useless things.

Oh no, not impulsive things!

I needed some new tops and a jacket anyway, and I'd been meaning to catch up with my progressive cookery skills, and have prepared some pretty admirable meals in the last week or so, but after the sixth or seventh day of playing the sims 3 until I physically want to murder them by boxing them in to a room with no doors, windows and a fireplace....now if any of you are familiar with the sims 1, this was the perfect way of deleting a boring sim, a bit sadistic, but anyway I'll move on.....(p.s I am not sadistic....its was just a GAME...please dont call the police.)

Anyway, where was I? oh yes, without human contact I do get very bored and end up ordering things like pizza...and going on random trips to pets at home to look at the bunnies and to focus dreaming about if i had endless supplies of money which kitchen I'd get...a bit of a daydreamer you know I am already. I wonder how my body will react to having to do what the corporate orange wants....

I dont plan to be hanging from this same old corporate tree for another year mind. I'm made plans to spread my wings a little further still. After going to uni and working with the same place for nearly 5 years, clinging onto the idea that I'd be happy wearing a uniform for the rest of my life, being made to wear a badge as it was policy for EVERYONE to know who you are, and being crapped on from a height with no thank you that didnt come in exchange for something they wanted back from you.....(breathes in deeply)...vent over again people.

I'm going to get into teaching or child care. Why? Where else could you PLAY to pay the bills? Something that is rewarding to just for your own sanity, but for the children aswell. Originality, and humour in a mini package of fun.

Kids have it easy. No bills, no stick off bosses, no job. They have to go to school, which as I child I remember I sometimes hated, but now....as a realisation, your childhood really is the best time of your life, and I all the well understand I can never re-live that, but having the opportunity to work with them in the sunshine of their little lives would be brilliant for me!

Ok there may be the odd little shit. Kicks you, calls you names you thought had gone out of fashion when you were young...but that seems like the platinum age to me.

Oblivious. Ignorance is bliss...definatley.

One of my fine friends from Milton Keynes has already given your job with the orange toilet the royal finger. Wish I could have been there. :) But bear in mind she does have a job to go to already lined up in the next two weeks....

I envy her already. Good on ya girl!!

Way to go, stick it to the man....I think everyone knows which quote/movie clip should go in here :) (Forgive the subs...only clip i could find)

I have been offered a job at a nursery called Butterflies, which is requires no trainning at all as they give it all, which is only fridays at the moment...but its a foot in the door...surely.

Fingeres crossed eh?

Small duck....New Pond

I have completed my migration. I’ve flapped my little wings and flown the nest.

It’s taken me and my partner over half a year to save for it, but finally all that patience has paid off...and you all know how crap I am with that. It wasn’t easy...not one bit. At every turn there seemed to be some kind of bollard....or wall....or blockade that just didn’t want to let us through.

First it was financial matters outside of the housing situation creating little drainage points in our funds, then it was certain people not exactly being very helpful with plans...no need to name, no point...then it was banks.....shiny, smiley Abbey....oh sorry I mean, SANTANDER. Failing to give people certain information, information that could have been very very disastrous in the case of our to-be move. They wouldn’t let us get at our money...how does that make sense? You put away all this dosh, and I’m talking a big amount, and they decide, even when you’ve asked them several times, that when big transfers concerning big amounts of money a being done what things need to be done to ensure smooth running of the process....yeh yeh, everything is fine, just like when your walking up the stairs half asleep and your just about to reach what you think is the top step, and your heart leaps into your throat as it realises you’ve already got there and you really believe you are tumbling down hard. That’s how you made us feel Santander!

We could have lost that flat because of you, thank god for your sake we didn't....

Chris and I both had heated discussions about leaving the money grabbing hoard previously known as Abbey, but ...we came to the conclusion that we couldn’t be bothered. It may sound funny, and stupid, but that, in the end is how you feel. I mean, just think, you’ve been with the one bank since you were six, (well I have J now that’s customer loyalty....where’s my bonus Abbey!) you’ve set up savings accounts, graduate accounts, visa cards, direct debits and standing orders, and then....you’ve got to go through all the paperwork of closing all that down and setting it up with another bank...all over again. Every bill, every payment, transfer.....its takes too much time and effort, and they know that, they bait ya, and reel ya in like a little kipper.

All that seems to have calmed down now, as much as I still don’t trust banks, ever since my auntie explained that banks don’t keep your own personal stash in a little computerised cubby-hole marked especially for you, just like in Harry Potter at Gringotts Bank....(If you don’t know what I mean...ffs people....Google it quickly and get back here pronto), they actually use it in their own little borrowing scheme....I don’t trust anything with my dollar...not even me...always seems t find a way of burning its way through my tanned mitts one way or another.

So Santander....I’ll allow you to keep a eye on it for now...but your treading a fine line buddy.

Moving in to the flat itself was the most exciting ad stressful experience ever. You want everything to go perfect, but you know damn well it won’t, but you account for things like that, but it all moulds in with your expectations. The cascade of box mountains, with all...well as much of your worldly possessions as you can fit into your friends van, with sarcasm that truly makes me feel all womanly , “God! How much crap have you got, Woman!?”

I’ve never been the type for shopping for all the shoes and bags and stuff (although whilst packing, i did manage to find rather a lot yey me!), but that stereotype that women don’t pack lightly...i really did succumb to that well and truly. I would like to say in my defence that I had been saving most of that stuff for over two years for preparation for moving out, and without it we’d have no bookcases, tv, dining table or bed frame so...it must have been some kind of useful ”Crap” eh J

Its only been a week and we haven’t really been able to settle properly yet, as Alton is still very new and unexplored for us. I’ve had a transfer to a different Sainsbury’s in Liphook, near the area we’ve moved to, and Chris has to commute to Farnham to his work, and things have started out quite rocky.

Situations pop up their little heads when you really just want a nice relaxing time, don’t they? Typical.

The hours we both work, don’t exactly match, and we don’t exactly skip to work with sunshine in our step every morning, but I keep saying A job is better than NO JOB....that’s right isn’t it?

It’s only been a week and we already have contemplated leaving your jobs for something new...however that decision is always forgotten by the time we close our eyes for bed, and is re-decided on awakening, at the realisation of not being able to spend the day with one another.

There’s so much yet to do, and sort out and...still being sofa-less is a bit of an annoyance....the evening we can curl up together with soft cushions to support our posteriors, we will finally start feel comfortable.

But still being a a “Duck” I miss my flock...I don’t like flying solo. So to my fellow birds, I pine for you very much. To the ones I’ve known since ducklings, and to those I worked with....you aren’t forgotten. I haven’t disappeared. As I keep telling you, you can’t get rid of me.

I’d like to send a special shout to Val, Sharon, Carol and Cherle for putting up with me at work and keeping me sane (I will be back to munch and boogie with you soon!), to Kieran, for always being there for me (a catch up chat must be arranged!), and especially Chris for loving me(You are my rock baby! Without you, this would never have happened).

A lot of thought, bother...and forgetfulness

"Did you ever stop to think, then forget to start again?"

"Winnie The Pooh"

Has that ever happened to you? You know, your quite happily going along with your business with your normal mediocre thoughts then...all of a sudden something............

Its strange, and often happens when it shouldnt. Like for instance, I should be thinking about big things i need to sort, savings for mine and chris's flat, all the paperwork, a new job...the meaning of life. And I should feel ashamed of it, but good peeople of Earth, I AM NOT! I'm glad to be a daydreamer, to wander off along the path of what ifs and furry creatures and....whatnot. We all know that this grey world of ours needs a little colour, and sometimes that can only be made brighter with a little fantasy.

There are so many things I want to have and do with my life, and as young and bushytailed I am, I'm in a rush to get them.

Lack of patience you may say... a want to live I call it.

Sometimes, I have to do the one thing I hate....waiting to see what happens.

I am, for some reason, one of these people who likes to plan. I plan for things that may be, things that have happened and must be changed, things no one can really plan for, but this idea that something unforsaken and ruining may turn up, so, yes, I plan for those too...I think I mainly plan for the beggining and the outcome, Like I've always been taught to do with my essays and my creative work at uni, "If you know where you want to start, and you know where you end up, the journey between will work itself out"...maybe thats true of life, I know all too well with essays its way more complicated!

But I have heard that even the most careful planner cant plan for everything. It never turns out the way you plan. It nearly always turns out better.

But I understand that even Bill Gates didnt wake up one day with Windows in front of him...time effort....patience (its that word again....shivver!), he probaly got to a point where he was thinking, "what the fuck do I do now?!"

But...this one thing...I want...so truely...so deeply...that it almost has to happen, as I wont let it go either way. Remembering to look at the important things can never be wrong though...but looking too much...as I have been a slave to...no matter how much you want something, can kill it.

Over feeding a plant wont make it stronger will it? hmmm?

When the wind is strong and the rain is pouring...ducks fly together

Its quite amazing how much easier things are when you have a good team behind you.

Not just in the work sense, but just a person, a loved one, a friend....someone who makes life that little bit easier.

My partner has always been mine. Whenever a big problem comes along (well always seems gigantic in my head, but is reduced with his logic with such ease that i almost feel silly for feeling so bad in the first place....dont you just love em' when that happens!)

In life, as we all know, we have helta-skelta downs...and towering heights to our lives that sometimes seem impossible, but if you have fellow passanger, or and open ear to howl into...what a breeze things seem afterwards.

I found this clip from "The Mighty Ducks 2" quite enspiring...(taken slightly out of context in terms of the film ofcourse!" which can apply to life very nicely.

Its true though isnt it? When things get hard, theres always those who will stick by you and give you a hand. No matter the situation. No matter what the differences are.

And my my my us humans have problems....we're always moaning about something...DONT SAY YOU HAVENT!...even I have, atleast 10 times a day!

Something that you had an expectation of that fell through slightly...doesnt mean its a complete disaster. It means something bigger and better will come along and shadow this downfall. But to your poor self...it can be a very depressing thought.

I myself have gone through some ups and downs concerning my future, as open and unlimited it is, when you set your mind on something, you do need that encouragement from that lil someone, even a stranger...(never be underestimate the kindness and helpfulness of strangers) sets you on the right path.

So if the beginning of this year doesnt look as shiny and bold as you felt..that doesnt mean it isnt gonna be. And if you know someone who needs a fellow comrade to boost their spirit...do the honours.

Even at its darkest part of the year...when things are cold and hopeless...ducks fly together.