We all have one of these revolving door relationships with technology, and don't lie if you say you have never, EVER had any problems with it, or that you "don't do technology". You all have one piece of demon machinery that has decided to go haywire once in a while, a TV, a phone...something with a chip in it, some slight piece of Artificial Intelligence that thinks its got one over you every so often.
Today I nearly nearly killed my printer, over something so simple, but that aggravated me to the point where I was making threats to it that if it were a person would have had me thrown away for many many years.
All I wanted to do was prints something.
This is what this device is for, right? I went to a special shop that sold hundreds of the damn things and I picked this very special one based on its quality and reliability and the little shit nearly causes me (and possibly it too, if it hadn't rethought its actions) a serious melt down.
Everything was switched on, cleaned, calibrated, connected, tested, troubleshooted, and encouraged, and yet, its still refused to do the one thing it was created to do.
Now don't get me wrong, I love tech. its what has separated us between mere humans and modern humanoids, with apps , wireless technology and voice activation but God help the machine if it doesn't do what its meant to.
I went through the stages:
- I commenced in the normal way to finish the task.
- I commended the machine in its beauty, quality and magnificence.
- I repeated step 1.
- I convinced myself it was something I had done and did everything humanly possible that could have caused a problem manually including setting it up again, changing settings on the computer, fiddling with wires and giving it extra paper.
- Repeat step 1
- I ridiculed the machine and hurled insults beginning with its "stupidity" and " ignorance" ending with " its incompetence as a machine".
- I threatened the machine with death threats, the most favorite being "I WILL throw you out the window, you piece of ****", reiterating how hurt it would be and the destruction I would cause it.
- I turned the air blue with insults, gave it a final ultimatum, then pulled out its plug.
- I Plugged it back in and told it would be given one more chance....
- I then made the air blue again as it printed everything I had asked 10 times, acting out its revenge.
I honestly don't know I would do without my tech. But its the fact I was using it to enable me to do something else easier in my life, and its just made it 20 times in another area.
Me and the printer are friends again now.
Until next time my wireless nemesis.
